Big Gary's-A-Palooza '09

To those hapless bastards with their heads under the sand Big Gary’s-A-Palooza is the unofficial re-orientation week party for Canterbury that is quickly gathering enough momentum to rival even Otago’s mighty Agnew Street keg party. Following the tradition set down by last year, copious amounts of homebrew flowed with vessels ranging from the strange (toy hip flasks) to the downright stupendous (2-litre Just Juice bottles anyone?) as well as a DJ being set up in the living room of the to-be-trashed Big Gary’s flat. With an ‘Attending’ facebook count of around 300 that eventuated to pack out the entire property save the driveway it was obvious that the frontlawn would suffer. However smart planning proved to save the day with carpet strewn about which (mostly) kept punters’ shoes clean and lessened the damage. Speaking of damage the inclusion of a large bonfire provided adequate warmth before antics took hold of the revellers and a competition to see who could jump said-bonfire. Only a brave-few took part in this competition of might (or stupidity, you decide) before the stakes were raised significantly with the addition of couches and a former park bench. The bonfire was probably the main event of the night as it held many functions: warmth, entertainment, and unfortunately the parties demise. This was due to the fact that once the couches were introduced enough flame and smoke was introduced to land a 747…or, as was the case, the attention of the authorities. After staring dumbfounded at the dying flames the community firefighters took to the flames before, some time later, the Goodafterble Constanoons made their gracious appearance forcing attendees onto the cold hard street of Riccarton Rd – cue Semisonic’s ‘Closing Time’.

Altogether Big Gary’s A-Palooza ’09 lived up to last year’s glory while pushing the boundaries of bonfire and attendance, in fact so well was said attendance that there was a constant theme of 3 degrees of separation present with everyone seeming to know someone…who further knew someone. Despite all the glory that was the bonfire this Sasquash believes that thanks to the premature addition of all the couches at once from the pack mentality of certain individuals the party warranted the attention of authorities too early than would have normally occurred. Regardless, Big Gary’s A-Palooza turned out to be everything that was expected: an epic night that will be remembered as arguably the biggest party of the year.

4 stars

By Sammy the Sociable Sasquatch

Interview with Mel Parsons

Your debut album Over My Shoulder has been praised almost universally by critics across the land for its traditional take on folk and an underestimated charm no doubt brought about by, among other things, your refusal to mask your kiwi accent. What are your thoughts on kiwi musicians putting on American accents?

Well it’s funny aye, I don’t know if it’s so much put on as it’s so much of what we hear and what we’re influenced by just sounds like that so that’s just what you naturally go to. I think some of my stuff is a bit like that but it’s a hard one I don’t think anyone sets out to go “Hey guys we’re totally not from NZ” . But yeah it’s an interesting one for sure. I don’t know, I can’t think of any. I try not to think about it I guess whatever comes out comes out, if it sounds a bit kiwi then sweet as and if it doesn’t then that’s the influences. I guess that we all just about universally just grew up listening to it you know it’s kind of what we know.

You lyrics focus on love, loss and heartbreak, was expressing these feelings through music a type of therapy for you?

Yea definitely I think it’s an outlet for sure you know song writing in general and lyrics and yea sometimes what comes out can be umm what’s a good word for it (laughs) ... it’s definitely a way to get the bad stuff out I suppose. In my normal life I’m a pretty happy person sometimes in my lyrics (laughs) I can get a little bit down. I think music is a therapeutic thing for both sides, for me as a writer it’s pretty therapeutic and hopefully for listeners too. And people I don’t know listen to it when they’re sad or whatever you know. Like you know everyone has a heartbreak album aye whenever we’re really gutted about something we put it on.

So going back to the album what was it like to have the help and support from the big names of David Long (of The Mutton Birds, but also produced Fur Patrol’s Pet), Don McGlashan (The Plague, The Mutton Birds) and Neil Watson for the record?

It was pretty awesome actually I was really lucky to have both those guys helping out. Don McGlashan was great, he was the person that hooked me up with David Long in the first place and Don was just a (crackle of ski radio) sorry that’s just my hut radio going (laughs) umm yea Don was just a go-to guy I suppose he was just there supporting. I mean because he’s been doing it for so long and he knows, I mean it wasn’t new to him and it was for me making an album and stuff it was awesome actually and David Long was just the same you know he’s just he’s got super ears and he’s just a cool guy and it was just awesome. And Neil was just amazing and is a good friend of mine for a long time so yea I am pretty chuffed really with the people that turned up to play.

And how did you come across the Rhythm Kings from Welly, so you going from Westport up to Auckland did you kind of come across them along the way up or?

The Rhythm Kings: I suppose the base of them was Shaun Elley who I actually went to music school with ten years ago in Nelson and we had sort of played together on and off so we had always wanted to get together at some point. We finally got the opportunity and he’s now based in Wellington and he’s just been around the jazz school in that scene up there. The other guys Aaron Stuart the bass player and Ennon Keys, they’re both friends of Shaun’s and musical colleagues I suppose you’d say and so yea I kind of got into that Welly musical scene through Shaun.

So far this year you’ve been a pretty busy girl: your album was released in March jostling with a large amount of kiwi releases leading up to NZ music month and even taking part in Kiwi FM’s 31 Bands in a Box as well as the Redbull Sessions. How was that?.

That’s funny that Band in a Box it’s a tiny, tiny studio (laughs) and the Redbull Sessions one was awesome just in a sense that it’s got a really cool set up like they’ve got a huge studio and we’ve got the whole band in the room with a bunch of backup singers.

And I’ve noticed with this upcoming August/October tour you’re mainly doing small bars particularly through of small town Otago and Canterbury and also going up to the Nelson Arts Festival. Do you feel that these more intimate the gigs and the audiences that they attract do you think that they better suit who you’re aiming your music at or is your music more broad based.

Yea probably a bit of both really I mean for sure those smaller venues have a real charm and a nice ambience that it’s hard to get in big places and you know I’m not a rock band really and I’m not a huge reggae act, but there’s definitely advantages to the smaller places, like often the Nelson shows are the bigger venues. But this wee tour it’s kind of like a, because I’m down here skiing for the winter so it’s shit you know (laughs) I have to work as well completely skive off for the winter. I guess it was a bit: there are some cool places I want to go, like I want to go to Oamaru and I love Wanaka, I’m a skier so it was a bit of both. We don’t have the full line up, it’s just myself and Aron the bass player and Neil on guitar, it’s more of a broken down acoustic kind of set than the full monty.

I see on youtube you’ve got a video for Darlin Darlin, that’s a cool video, it’s got the whole 1940s/1950s periods leading up to the 1970s when the Dad comes home and sees just so many kids it’s not funny. Was Darlin Darlin written with this kind of thing in mind?

No not really, the video was made by a guy called Murray Keen who he does lots of stuff but he directs Outrageous Fortune and bits and pieces of TV and film in New Zealand. The whole concept and everything was all his, he pitched the idea and I was like “cool sounds great let’s go for it”. It was pretty full on but it was really quite different from where the song came from but I think that’s fine, I suppose I try not to take myself too seriously it’s like you know it’s a song and what people get out of it people get out of it. I think it’s kind of nice to have a video, and you know it’s a piss-take it’s supposed to be a bit comedy really.

You grew up banging and plucking on your mum’s musical instruments, was your mum a performer like you in her day?

No my mum and my grandmother played the piano just for enjoyment I suppose but never too seriously. Mum was very into us getting into music we had this big table with all these different instruments so that when you’re kids you can march round the house banging and yea there was always music at home. We all played the piano from when we were quite young and I was crap at the piano but never mind (laughs).

So when did you pick up the old guitar?

Umm when I was about 14 I just stumbled across it and it’s funny because as you are when you start off with something you’re pretty average, like quite bad, but there was still something in it that still kind of grabbed me and that was it I just couldn’t put it down (laughs).

So what inspired you to make your move up to Auckland, the home of hustle and bustle, when you grew up just outside of Cape Foulwind a town I’ve been told is well known for its rugged beauty and sealions?

Well I went right through high school on the coast and it was an experience (laughs). Nah I can’t complain it was all good and I spent a year in Nelson at the music school and I took a year off sort of teaching and you know went around Australia bumming around as you do and just did stuff that you do and I wanted to go to music school in Auckland. I think it was 2001 just put my life into my van and drove up. I spent a year at MAINZ the music and audio institute, it was a super good place actually, it was definitely my best, it’s the place I recommend people to go. And then I spent a couple of years over at Auckland Uni after being transferred over there which was interesting you know great and all that but I still think MAINZ is a bit more real and practical.

So where were you first based, and where are you subsequently based when you return, to Auckland? With your sound I imagine that you’d be sort of Muriwai, Piha or Bethells, somewhere very surfy out west to suit your music, or are you more city based?

Actually to be honest I’m more of a city girl but all those places that you mentioned I love it out there but I think that they have a lot of similarities to where I grew up like that wild west coasty kind of stuff but yeah when I’m in Auckland, because I’m usually there for a few months at a time, usually somewhere pretty close to the city. I used to live in Parnell which is the antithesis to the West Coast. But where I’m based that’s a sort of interesting question sometimes it’s out the back of my Hilux (laughs) – I’m trying to steer away from the clichés but they just keep on coming. But I suppose that since we’ve put the album out I’ve spent quite a lot of time in Wellington putting out the album and back and forwards and then of course there’s the ski season down here for 4 months or so. But yea a lot of my friends, my musical colleagues, are in Auckland so yea I guess I get around a little bit (laughs) – I’m desperately trying not to grow up really.

So while you were at Auckland Uni you were doing a Bachelor of Performing Arts, I understand that you’re a very spur of the moment type of musician. Was this quite a bit of a clash, like with the academic study there’s a process of dividing a song into parts etc.

Yea absolutely, it was interesting the theory the technical stuff behind it but where my music comes from is sort of probably more intuitive like just kind of blank out everything and whatever comes, comes out you know. I definitely think you can get too caught up in all the technical bits and pieces, and that can take away the special thing. I found that while I was at university the analysis was fascinating on that level but at the same time trying to be creative but I don’t think I really agree with forcing creativity, I think if it’s there it’s there, if you can do it it’s cool but if you’re not it’s not worth trying to squeeze something out. I think the potential for things to become really contrived is there with that kind of thing, but having said that that’s the way some people write and some people write some amazing songs from the really theoretical point of view. I guess for me it doesn’t really get me going.

Mel Parsons is performing at Lyttelton Harbour Light Theatre on the Friday the 7th of August. Doors open at 7.30pm. Tickets available from www.harbourlight.co.nz ‘What’s On’, and door sales.

Brant Bjork and the Bros at Al's Bar

Whenever a well renowned international rock act comes to Christchurch one would expect them to be perform in the town hall, Westpac or some other decent venue. However, what would be the case for the more underground rock acts of the, say, Palm Desert stoner era? Al's Bar is the only choice; a bar that holds local and underground live rock true to its gritty young heart and intimate atmosphere. And what better underground act than the legendary Brant Bjork who made his name as the stickman for desert/stoner rock pioneers Kyuss (the members of whom included Josh Homme).

Arrivingto the gig after a few late beers and an even later bus this reviewer unfortunately missed all but the final two songs of supporting act Second Gear Grind (UC represent!). However SGG proved they were more than worthy to support the a stoner rock legend with heavy bass and guitar driven rock led superbly by vocalist S.Bell's strong vocals showcasing their influence by the band that made Bjork famous but also combining it with a more metal-like sound reminiscent of sludge rock and metal. For the entirity of their epic songs (and I'm sure their set for that matter) they had the crowd grooving in such a way that only stoner rock fans can - heavy nodding and side swaying...the cool way.

Almost straight off the bat Bjork and his support band The Bros established themselves as all about the music launching straight into it; no arsing around, just pure unadulterated rock'n'motherfucking'roll. Bjork retained the perfect stoner rock look dressed (to put it bluntly) like a bum keeping his attention to the lazy rock and was aided greatly by heavy bass of the Bros' bassist and their baritone axeman Max Roddings. In fact so heavy was the grooves of the set that when I briefly ventured out of the mosh pit (if you could call it that) to break the seal that the entire mens toilets were shaking with a force that could only be compared to a dragon farting. As this gig was part of Brant Bjork's tour for his 2008 album 'Punk Rock Guilt' there were a few songs featured in the set, but due to my aforementioned lack of knowledge of his music I can't really tell you what they were. What I can tell you however was that the songs all reeked of dirty desert rock goodness that is so very under-appreciated in this day-and-age of bland Chad Kroegerness...but I'll save a further explanation of this for another day.

By the time Bjork and the Bros wrapped up their set of heavy grooves and amp'd tunes I was re-hooked on the stoner rock vibe and keen to grab a copy of their latest album, this would not be the case however. Due to the fact that this was a bar there was no chance of getting money out, so I've now resided to the fact that when Studylink comes through it will be right on the top of the list of things to claim as part of course related costs - I'm a Mass Coms student...it's gotta count for something right? But as far as Wednesday nights go, proclaimed Bjork midset, the night was about as close to a Thursday as you could get, and that coming from an underground legend in my books is pretty darn good.

'Death Magnetic' - Metallica

After their last studio effort, ‘St Anger’, I was very uneasy about Metallica releasing another album despite assuring reports of them returning to their thrash roots, but I can very gladly say that ‘Death Magnetic’ is a true return to form for what is arguably one of the music industry’s biggest rock bands.

Straight from the get go these old monsters batter your ear drums with the relentless opener ‘That Was Just Your Life’ that has a certain reminiscent feel of Master of Puppets. In fact the entire album is very reminiscent of Puppets, perhaps a good sign for a bunch of old buggers who’s last effort in the studio saw them turn into a bunch of whinging oldies. But back to the music: ‘Broken Beat & Scarred’ epitomises Metallica lasting this long with the line “What don’t kill ya/Make ya more strong” and sounds excellent with ol’ Lars Ulrich and Kirk Hammet barely letting up showing that they are still mainly on top form.

I could go on and on about how this album is such a great return to form, even including an instrumental track, but this is really something that only so many words can describe. However in saying that there are a few let downs: the first single ‘The Day That Never Comes’ and ‘All Nightmare Long’ both have the potential to be truly kick ass songs but every now and then they both hit a walls of pretentious dullness. What is also interesting is the return of ‘The Unforgiven’ in its third part, something which I feel speaks to Metallica maybe running out of song ideas having to resort back to old tried-and-true formulas of the past.

However alas, I still say proudly: Welcome back Metallica.

4.5 stars

Platinum Rock Vol.2

Another year another Platinum Rock CD shamelessly plugged by the Rock FM, when the first Platinum Rock double CD pack came out last year I was actually pleasantly surprised with the fact that it had some fairly decent music for a commercial best of album…but for this one I’m not so sure. It could be the fact that in the early 2000s, the period this album is based in, rock music for me slipped further down the crap-laden path to obscurity that I do not exactly rate this best of as highly as its predecessor does.

The track list for both CDs is laden with songs that you would have undoubtedly heard on the radio back in the day with tastes of everything from nu-metal (Linkin Park, P.O.D.) to classic kiwi anthems such as the Datsuns’ ‘Stuck Here For Days’, Blindspott’s ballad ‘Phlex’ and Steriogram’s monster hit ‘Walkie Talkie Man’. Though of course since the track list is dictated by commercial hits there are a number of songs which I can’t stand listening to like the Darkness’ ‘I Believe in a Thing Called Love’ and Hoobastank’s ‘The Reason’.

However, this compilation is actually surprisingly and I am sure unintentionally, well timed in that two iconic kiwi bands featured are reforming: Head Like a Hole and the mighty Weta – at least for a few shows anyway.

All up, I would only recommend getting this album if you want to have a crash course in rock music from the beginning of the decade. Alternatively, if you have been living under a rock for the past eight years and want to know what rock music sounds like then this may be just what your caveman ass is looking for.

2.5 stars

Top 5 Albums 0f 2008

'Death Magnetic’ – Metallica
It has been a very long time since these old monsters of metal released anything that blew me away but Metallica have proved that even in their 40s they can still kick Pete Wentz’s ass. ‘Death Magnetic’ has done away with the awful sound of St Anger and has Metallica returning to their old thrash roots which made them so damn good in the first place, whether it’s the blistering opener ‘That Was Just Your Life’, the monster single ‘The Day That Never Comes’ or the instrumental ‘Suicide & Redemption’. I was worried about this album being crap but my fears have been done away with. Welcome back Metallica.

‘Food’ – Zico Chain
My favourite band of 2008 and probably my album of the year too seeing as how much I’ve listened to it, Zico Chain completely blew me away with their intense breed of rock’n’roll that the music industry has really been lacking recently. ‘Food’ is their first album after two EP’s and I am personally shocked that it has received next to no attention here, the album rocks out with its cock out it’s just not funny. Front man Chris Glithero’s screeching vocals keeps the balls out music that is Zico going a million miles an hour and refuses to relent. Listen to these dirty English boys; they are going to be fucking big!

‘A Perfect Place’ – Mike Patton
Mike Patton, formerly of Faith No More, is a musical genius that refuses to stop creating his quirky brand of music that has seen him be in everything from Dillinger Escape Plan to providing vocal duties for monsters for movies and video games. Earlier this year I spotted his name on a movie soundtrack, it turns out he wrote and performed everything for the soundtrack of ‘A Perfect Place’, an equally quirky short film. Every note written for the music captures his weird musical nature, whether it’s the opera styled ‘Il Cupo Dolore’, the uppity ‘A Perfect Twist (Vocal)’ or even the Car Radio sketches. This album is seriously strange…but so damn cool.

‘Forth’ – The Verve
Ten years after their hiatus, English alt. rockers The Verve made their return this year with an oddly beautiful album that has become a surprising favourite of the year. Throughout the album the bass keeps humming and the psychedelic guitars keeps your mind in a relaxed mode of address even when the monster ‘Noise Epic’ comes to its intense close.

‘Inflikted’ – Cavalera Conspiracy
Before this year I was afraid that I would never hear any decent new music from Max Cavalera, one of my favourite metal musicians of all time, but in re-teaming up with his brother Igor my confidence in metal has been reborn. Straight from the get-go, this album batters the eardrums with the same heavy intensity that the Cavalera brothers made famous in their Sepultura days and does not stop until you are broken and bruised in the corner crying for more.

'Pedal To The Metal' - Blessed By A Broken Heart

Century Media

The genre of glam has had its day and has since demised, but recently there have been a few reprises in the music industry concerning it: Motley Crue released a new album, Poison still continues to tour and now Blessed By a Broken Heart have burst out of Canadia with their latest offering Pedal To the Metal. However Blessed are not just a glam band, they are the result of Glam on speed and having dirty groupie sex with Dragonforce.

The result of this combination will delight some metal heads but will also leave some with a slightly bitter taste in the mouths of others, I have to say that I am currently situated towards the latter’s camp. The album is by all means impressive musically with guitarist Shred Sean doing what he does best with some stellar solos and unrelenting drumming by Frank ‘Da Bird’ – yep those are their stage names – led by the vocals Tony Gambino. However, the album suffers from what I see as an immature metal undertone, which is the exact reason I cannot listen to Dragonforce.

Don’t get me wrong, this is a great album with token glam synth-heavy songs ‘Move Your Body’ and ‘To Be Young’, but it’s when the two worlds combine that things start to sound weird – maybe it’s the combination of 80s electric drums with growls, or maybe it’s Tony Gambino’s at times cheesy vocals. ‘Doing It’ especially gets on my nerves with the Ian Slater’s keys coupled with Gambino trying to give the song some balls and then launching into an unimaginative bridge “This is how we do it/This is how we do”…really? However, I guess that this album is not all bad; ‘Don’t Stop’ starts promising with a nice melody but then for some silly reason breaks down into an attempt at being heavy in the chorus and the bridge.

I guess my main beef with this album is the overall immature sound of glam metal and my despise for seedy vocals of hardcore. Like I said before fans of Dragonforce and probably hardcore may enjoy this album more than I have.

2 stars

'Beatiful Future' - Primal Scream

B-Unique Records

I believe it was the comedian Bill Hicks who said something along the lines of real bands who know how to rock are the ones that take drugs, have loads of sex on tour buses and generally do things that conservative folks would want to shelter poor Jimmy Johnson from. At one point in time, Primal Scream was one of those bands, but for their ninth album, the lads of Primal Scream decided to have a go at sobriety.

I would love to compare it to past albums to really get an idea of how much they have changed over the years but unfortunately, I had never really heard much of Primal Scream until I picked up this record.

The album contains a good collection of bass heavy electro-pop rock, which coupled with front man Bobby Gillespie’s slurred vocals produces some good ol’ toe-tapping goodness. There are a few cool sounding songs on the album including the synth-heavy ‘Suicide Bomb’ as well as the happy go lucky charm of the opener ‘Beautiful Future’ and the odd charm of ‘Zombie Man’.

The final three songs of the album attempt to mix things up a bit by inviting some guests to collaborate – Lovefoxxx, Linda Thompson and Josh Homme respectively – but this really doesn’t add a lot of diversity to an album that should only really be listened to at the end of a Saturday night. Though in saying that ‘Over and Over’ with Linda Thompson is a sweet duet that slows the album down nicely.

However, the album at times sounds a bit samey throughout despite its attempts at diversity and lacks an edge that makes it stand out among this year’s releases. Perhaps the lesson here is that maybe stopping while you are ahead of the game and on your drug trip may be a good idea.

3 stars

‘Forth’ – The Verve

EMI records

It’s been quite a while since the world has heard anything from the Verve, about ten years has passed in fact since their last offering, Urban Hymns, which gave us their infamous ‘Bittersweet Symphony’ and ‘Lucky Man’. But nine years after their split and last year’s reformation we are given a new record from one of England’s most influential nineties rock acts. To give you an idea about the popularity of these boys, in Britain when they announced their reformation and tour last year tickets sold out in twenty minutes prompting them to announce a larger second tour soon after.

The opening track ‘Sit and Wonder’ establishes the feel for the entire record with a strangely beautiful mix of psychedelic guitars, heavy humming bass and more than competent drumming. The first single ‘Love Is Noise’ is one of the few upbeat (if you could call it that) songs on the album resulting in a welcome change from the somewhat depressing drabness that can plague British alternative rock for some listeners. There are a great range of songs on this record ranging from the lovey-dovey ‘Judas’ and ‘Valium Skies’ to the end of the night feeling ‘Numbness’ and ‘Columbo’. A definite stand out of this album has got to be the aptly titled ‘Noise Epic’, clocking in at over eight minutes and combining everything from monologue to an intense closing bridge this has probably got to be my favourite song of the record because it shows refreshing diversity that I haven’t seen in a band for a while.

All up this is a great return to form by The Verve, showing that whatever internal conflicts the band suffered from they have gotten over and are back on top of their game. Here’s hoping they can keep it up for another album or even come down to New Zealand (please!).

4 stars

Religimon: Gotta convert em all!

With so many faiths vying for your attention in this modern world it really can get a little bit daunting, every faith has differing strengths, weaknesses and specialties, just like pokemon funnily enough. So in a mood reminiscent of my younger days ogling at trading cards at the Armagedden Expo I feel that religion needs the pokemon treatment and have thus created a Religidex, an encyclopedia of Religimon available to all young trainers by the Religimon Institute. Here are just a few entries:

Islamachu:
Out of all the religimon available to trainers Islamachu has gained notoriety for what has been deemed by its critics as a ‘savage’ and ‘primitive’ attacking style, however professors at the Religimon Institute argue that as a religimon derived from a much more temperate climate in the East its fighting style is only natural. Commonly found in hot sandy areas, the males’ duty under the Islamachu’s Sharia law is to venture out to collect sustenance and socialise leaving their female partners shrouded in caves to look after their young, therefore making the female of the species a rare find. When hunting this religimon it is important for trainers to be aware of its surprise attacks in sand dune areas often initiated by roadside explosives normally laced with rocks and other assorted objects, following this the Islamachu commonly utilises sharp stone objects fashioned into knives to cut the enemy as well as spitting acidic gastric juices into the eyes of the opponent in order to blind them. It is also worthy to note that when very low on health an Islamachu may resort to its special attack, dukka-dukka-Muhammed-el-Jihad, which consists the Islamachu stabbing itself in order to taint its knife with its gastric juices and wildly stabbing the enemy until it runs out of energy. Some trainers question the effectiveness of this special attack however as the Islamachu rarely survives the attack, earning it the nickname of the Suicide Slasher.

Christindon:
Traditionally a favourite among many trainers in Western societies its general versatility in most battle situations this flying religimon has proved to be popular. However as it gains experience it is essential for younger male trainers to be wary of its tendency to disobey orders, and at times even violate, sexually, several codes of religimon-trainer codes of conduct. This can be solved conveniently with exposure to the Luther-stone which will give the religimon a chance to evolve to its more powerful and Pure form named Jesuitidor. Christindon are renowned for their physical reliability in battle situations wielding a large crucifix that has a 20% chance of inflicting leprecy on the opponent, damaging them over time. A Christindon’s special attack is unique in that it does not physically harm the opponent, rather it mentally castrates. The special attack, Born-Again Rhetoric, consists of the Christindon puffing itself up to a larger size and loudly proclaiming the love of Jesus Christ and the Holy Ghost, this can result in either the opponent falling asleep or, more commonly, fleeing the battle altogether in frustration.

Jewdachop:
Caution and patience is advised for this religimon as in its early stages it is fairly weak, however as it gains experience – with the combination of monetary encouragement – the Jewdachop grows into a very powerful, yet physically small, force. Exact locations as to where to capture a Jewdachop are constantly updated as this species of religimon is often bullied by others, subsequently forcing it to evacuate its habitat and search for a new dwelling. It is rumoured that there is a colony of Jewdachops fiercely guarding large quantities of golden Jewdrops – the Jewdachop’s form of currency and a delicacy to many trainers. In combat this species of religimon is largely stationary and thus takes a fair amount of damage, this is balanced out however with scratching and biting of the opponent and its special attack: the notorious excrement cannon. The excrement cannon is a powerful attack developed by Jewdachops as they gain experience resulting in the resurfacing of memories of being shat on for their lives in the wild by other religimon. This attack is among the more powerful religimon special attacks recorded, in fact during the 1947 religimon games in Paraguay a Jewdachop famously let one loose on an Islamachu obliterating it and knocking the rival trainer unconscious from the stench, ever since then it has been every Jewdachop trainer’s dream to achieve this mighty feat.

'Scars on Broadway' - Scars on Broadway

In 2003 following the Mezmerize and Hypnotize albums System of a Down announced their hiatus resulting fans, like myself, dacking themselves in fear of a world without the System. However soon after front man Serj Tankian released his own CD leaving fans anxiously in wait for guitarist Daron Malakian’s own project that he was surely to head after penning much of the aforementioned albums. Finally the wait is over with Malakian and System drummer John Dolmayan’s new band Scars on Broadway.

This self-titled debut is token Malakian in every conceivable way with many songs feeling like lost siblings of Mezmerize and Hypnotize, not surprising seeing as Malakian himself claiming that he could have released ten albums with the amount of songs that he wrote during that period. As you may have already guessed I can’t help but compare Scars to System because the resemblance between the songs is uncanny, I constantly expect to hear Serj’s voice soar over and above creating that great epic feeling that System’s music contained. It’s unfortunate that this feeling remains for Scars because it really is a great album with songs like ‘Stoner-Hate’ and the blasting opener ‘Serious’ truly setting the bar for other rock records of the year. Stand out songs have got to include the dramatic ‘Kill Each Other / Live Forever’ and ‘Chemicals’ as well as the first single ‘They Say’ and my personal favourite ‘Cute Machines’. Scars isn’t all just crazy rock’n’roll though, there are some songs that are very reminiscent of System’s ‘Lonely Day’ (another Malakian song funnily enough), ‘Whoring Streets’ and ‘Insane’. However there are a few repetitive songs that get on my nerves after a while – ‘Enemy’ and ‘World Long Gone’ I’m looking at you.

All up Scars’ debut effort is well worth the full retail price of a new album with an impressive fifteen songs making this a must for anyone who was a fan of System of a Down. However like I mentioned before this album feels at times like a half-finished System album without Serj, and it’s this lack of mind-blowing innovation that Serj Tankian’s ‘Elect the Dead’ contained that stops Scars on Broadway’s debut from being an absolute awesome album.

In the Middle of it with Maximus #1 - Religion, Is It Really the Great Bane of UC?

Well you always no that the CANTA editor is desperate when he asks a CD (and recently a party) reviewer to write a column…but thanks Matt I needed to keep up the writing!

Now before I launch into an obscene rant about crap I need to say a rather shameless plug - Friday 22nd of August at Bentleys Bar Echoic, Socks Off, Grafton Zoo and Millionaire Debrofski will be playing and for only $5!! W00t!

Ahem yeah but now that's outta the way time for to actually get back to writing something...

It seems the other week someone wrote in to CANTA complementing an article of mine but then the twat destroyed his integrity by launching into a rant about getting pissed off at punters around the campus trying to drag us kicking and screaming to their faith (predominantly Christian in orientation). Well first off, let's have a look at a few things that might make Canterbury Uni an easy place for religious fanatics to recruit people.
The first is that, unlike any other major city in New Zealand Christchurch was established with a very strong Christian base, hence the name. So it's surely a given that with the sheer amount of churches we have in this city that they're needing to be used instead of sitting there all pretty-like.
The second is that many aspects of our university were established based on Christian principles, the halls for example are testament to this: Bishop Julius (no shit) and the mighty Rochester and Rutherford (can you guess I stayed there?). However this does not mean that Christian theology will be rammed down your throat, quite the opposite in fact, while at R'n'R I only ever went to one compulsory chapel service in which we got told about the lamb of God and given a stone. At the time I was a bit confused by this for a few reasons, the first is for the simple fact that I was giggling to myself because Lamb of God is one of my favourite bands, the second is that I wasn't entirely convinced the usefulness or the meaning of a pebble in signifying Christianity. After spending a good week or so gurgling down Speights and JDs (this was Orientation after all) I finally found a use for it in the form of being a pet rock named Pete the Paperweight.
Though it is argued that in the last hundred years or so education has replaced religion as the basis for being cultured (thanks CULT 202!) and with New Zealand being such a multicultural society as well as our exposure to other cultures through the media and internet, it's not a great surprise that religion's begun to take a back seat in our generation.
The point I'm getting at, and I am believe me, is that religion has become so diluted in our culture that I have a bit of respect for those trying to recruit us to their faith, but really we have so many choices and so many ways to interpret the meanings of these faiths. For example, yesterday I was given a flier by someone outside the UCSA informing me that this week (I think) is Islam awareness week, after returning to my flat and putting it under Pete I began to think about how much crap Islam gets in the news. In Australia the 'wogs' are barely allowed to open up new mosques or Islamic schools in case they train up future t-words, in China they're portrayed as evil separatists (Taiwan has rivals!) and of course in America they're second-class citizens to the patriots and Jews. In fact I read somewhere lately that in once mighty England that the most popular religion is no longer Anglicanism (a type of Christianity to my red-neck compadres out there), but instead it's Islam.
So is Islam the new black? Will a new fashion trend soon emerge where women cover up their faces with burqas and guys grow beards? No, well maybe in winter for warmth.
I'm happy to see Islam being promoted in New Zealand, I'm also happy to see Christianity promoted on campus too, but not so much so when someone stands at the top of the library steps and begins preaching to the masses - you know who you are.
Finally I'll leave you all today with something the great Bill Hicks once said "What business is it of yours what I do, read, buy, see, say, think, who I fuck, what I take, into my body - as long as I do not harm another human being on this planet?"

'Indestructible' Disturbed

Personally I was never really a great fan of Disturbed because I always felt that the singer was a pretentious twat and their past albums had too much of an electronic feel to it but right from the get go Disturbed’s Indestructible instantly did away with all of my former negative opinions about the band. The opening track “Indestructible” has echoes of their great song “Liberate” from Believe and is greatly helped by some really solid drumming by Mike Wengren. The single that’s been plaguing the radio waves “Inside the Fire” still holds some of front man David Draiman’s pretentious vocals but combined with great riffs from the guitarist and a pretty cool solo too it makes for a great song that deserves being radio bashed. Probably the main thing that has impressed me about this album is guitarist Dan Donegan who busts out some Machine Head-esque riffs and some very nice solos. “The Night” has such a few wicked riffs that I’m tempted to pick up guitar again – which goes to say something as I have no musical talent in me. Draiman’s vocal ability is another great aspect of this album, with his unique machine gun style that was first heard in Down With the Sickness coming through in the dying moments of “Perfect Insanity” and haunting monologues heard as well as in “Haunted” (funnily enough), but it has to be “Criminal” that shows off his range the best letting loose his shrieks that made him notorious in Disturbed’s nu-metal days as well his token machine gun style. However the songs late in the album like “Torn”, and the closing tracks “Divide” and “Facade” are honestly a bit boring which is a real shame when the album started off with such intensity. But in saying this all up this is definitely a great album that is a must-have for Disturbed fans and those who aren’t need to try.
This album officially has the TrueRockSoc seal of approval.

4/5 stars

Ready Their Demise: Has the RTD Swansong Begun?

In early May Lion Nathan NZ announced that they would be scrapping their high alcohol content RTDs, more than two standard drinks per serving, as well as those with energy additives such as Guarana following a similar move by Lion Nathan Australia. These products are the Vault 88 range, McKenna 9% cans and Diesel 8% 440ml cans. Lion Nathan said in their press release for this that one of the reasons for this move was as an active step in combating misuse of alcohol, especially in New Zealand’s under-twenty binge drinking culture.
Tony Ryall, the National Party’s health spokesperson, applauded the move saying that it is good that Lion Nathan have recognised that they hold social responsibility and that “they’re obviously concerned about that impact that this is having and that they’re acting in a way to provide some leadership. They are far in a way not the only provider of these RTDs and it will be interesting to see what the impact it has on the other players.” This is true as Lion Nathan only have a meagre 16% share of New Zealand’s $530 million RTD market; the largest producer in this market is Independent Liquor who control a whopping 65%.
When Lion Nathan made their announcement Independent retorted saying that this move was drawing attention away from beer and wine – which they claimed to be the major cause of binge drinking in New Zealand. This is a somewhat predictable reaction from Independent as they move to protect their RTD market dominance in order to make up for their lack of which in the beer and wine market. When trying to contact a spokesperson for Independent Liquor to elaborate on why they argued that Lion Nathan’s move was shifting the focus away from beer and wine I was sent in circles through their office administration and was eventually informed that they were a company shy of the limelight.
Constable Bill Timms, an officer of the Christchurch Police, says that the move by Lion Nathan is a good idea because it is a step in what he sees as the right direction, “I seriously want to do something about getting rid of them [RTDs] altogether,”. When asked why sees RTDs as such a bad product to have on the market he argues that it introduces people to drinking far too easily. He says that if he gave his under-10 year old a glass of 4% RTD they would not know the difference, hence why these products are also referred to as ‘Alco-pops’ for their similarity in taste to soft drinks, it is because they are so similar to regular fizzy drinks that RTDs are such a big problem with binge drinkers. Timms believes that young people who are given a taste of alcohol for the first time would not immediately binge on beer or wine because they were not used to the taste, but when they taste an RTD they probably would because “it’s just like soft drink,” and that these drinks are a “cheap nasty way of getting alcohol into you”.
The Ministry of Health which despite supporting Lion Nathan’s announcement still believes that more could be done “to address alcohol-related harm caused by all alcohol beverages...such as addressing the marketing and appeal of alcohol to young people”. Marketing of RTD products are, like some beer, purposely aimed at young drinkers despite them still being consumed by drinkers of all ages, for example illustrations for RTD products and promotions commonly depict young drinkers having a good time benefiting from their enjoyment of the product. The reason for targeting young drinkers in particular could be because the young adults are high consumers willing to spend more of their income than older consumers who are more conservative with their money.
When asked about disturbances in the community caused by alcohol Constable Timms believes that they are a result of these drinks “RTDs just seem to go hand in hand with trouble. Around the streets you find Woodstock bourbon cans littered everywhere,” referring to the regular sight of RTD cans scattered on the sides of main roads such as Blenheim and Moorhouse. Tony Ryall agrees with this pointing out that much of society’s social disorder is associated with young drinkers purchasing RTDs from small liquor stores. When asked if they would like to see the drinking-age raised back to twenty both Bill Timms and Tony Ryall said that they would, Timms was also concerned that society has become too liberal and that now it is too hard to cut back.
A possible way of combating binge drinking of RTDs it seems is to increase the tax that consumers pay on them. In Australia the level of tax on RTD drinks has been almost doubled to match the level of spirits, this has resulted in a four pack of Pulse energy RTD going from around $11 Australian too close to $20 Australian. Tony Ryall says that while it would obviously generate a lot of money for the government he is not sure if it would have that great of an effect on consumers. It is possible that instead of purchasing ready-mixed drinks drinkers would instead return to beer or resort to mixing their drinks themselves, possibly worsening the dilemma. If the high tax is to work in Australia, which has a similar youth binge drinking problem as New Zealand, it is always possible that our own government could enforce something similar. The Ministry of Health acknowledges that an increase in tax on RTDs could have public health gains but also believes that an increase in tax on all forms of alcohol, as well as RTDs, can reduce the demand by consumers and holds the view that this would be “the most effective means by which to reduce alcohol-related harm”.
RTD drinks are not just a concern in society; the sheer amount of sugar contained in a single serving is alarming. We have all been warned that a can of coke contains twelve teaspoons of sugar, equivalent to 192 calories, and that we should at most have one per day. In a single can of Woodstock 440ml and cola there is a stunning 220 calories, and in a can of Pulse 300ml there is 277 calories. With both Woodstock and Pulse sold in four packs a drinker would assume that over a single night they would consume all four cans amounting to 880 calories and 1108 calories respectively – about half of the daily recommended calorie intake. The effect of the sheer amount of sugar has both short and long-term consequences. In the short term, any unused calories will stay in one’s body as fat, and in the long term, regular consumption of this level could lead to diabetes. The alternative to drinking RTDs laden with sugar is the sugar-free products, Victoria Robertson of Canterbury University’s health centre however warns against drinking these products as well because of the artificial sweeteners having possibly even more dire consequences on the human body. What is also of note is that the energy additive RTDs that Lion Nathan have scrapped were the only products on the entire market to contain a warning not to consume more than two servings (i.e. cans or bottles), while the leading energy RTD product Pulse contains no such warning on any of it product packaging. While this showed that Lion Nathan appeared to at least have a heightened conscience for its consumers, those warnings came in small font on the top of their cardboard packets. The Ministry of Health points out that providing maximum recommendation labelling on these products may give consumers a false impression that drinking below the recommendation is safe in all cases furthermore advising that more evidence to their effectiveness is required in promoting responsible drinking. Furthermore consumers of these RTDs barely seemed aware of these warnings resulting in sleepless nights and excessive tiredness the following day, what is equally unsettling is that some health professionals who have friends who drink these energy based RTDs were not even aware of this. A recent study also points out that alcoholic beverages containing caffeine and other stimulants, such as Guarana and Taurine, masks the effects of the intoxicating effects of alcohol. With this is mind the sale of alcoholic energy drinks really does begin to seem a little worrying if health professionals, or even retailers in some cases, are not aware of the health warnings that were on the alcoholic energy drinks.
If Lion Nathan has only just become aware of their responsibility to young alcohol consumers by halting production of high alcohol RTDs with energy additives, including caffeine, then the question is how long will it be before other RTD producers alter their products in an effort to be socially conscious? Or will it happen at all? As an under-twenty drinker and an employee of an off-license I wrote this article to point out the risks of RTD drinks. I do admit that when I began drinking when I was younger that I started on RTDs because I did not like the taste of beer and the strength of spirits was too much for me to handle. However, as I matured in my drinking and saw myself and my friends becoming overwhelmed by these drinks’ potency I realised that RTDs did not belong in a drinking culture like ours. On almost any day when I work at my liquor store I regularly serve customers who I know will be binging on the large amounts of RTDs that they purchase, in which Cody’s and Woodstock are the most popular. As a retailer of alcoholic drinks, of which RTDs are a big seller, I support the recent move by Lion Nathan and can only hope that Independent Liquor New Zealand follows suit in order to combat New Zealand’s unfortunate drinking culture.
I finally extend a warning to all my fellow young drinkers out there to be careful in what you drink; beer, shots and RTDs are all good but in moderation and to have a good time, but don’t mess it up getting shit faced and give the rest of us a bad name.