I’ve come to the conclusion that I need to watch more rugby. It’s not because I find it exhalerating to watch, I can honestly say I’d rather watch milk curdle in the sun than watch rugby. It’s not because I feel pride in watching my favourite team win, I’m an Aucklander studying in Christchurch, no matter who I say I support, Crusaders or Blues, anywhere in the country I’ll get the piss taken out of me. And it’s not because I like sports, I’ve always been hopeless at any sport I’ve played dropping catches and missing goals.
I need to watch rugby on television to be rewarded. I understand that Prime have now begun a not-so-secret reward system to entice the people to watch their programming on Sunday afternoons, it’s called porn. At about three o’clock on Sunday afternoon, while I was debating whether I persist on watching da Vinci Code on Sky movies or go into town to buy CDs, a scene from a pornographic movie interrupted a grassroots rugby game on Prime TV shocking gruff men from the Waikato and Canterbury called Fred and Jeff.
Honestly I think that Prime have just uncovered a new way to appeal to the hard to reach young male market who may not necessarily be interested in rugby. Think about it, why go to the trouble of sifting through all the pop-ups on the internet or the mild embarrisment of buying a Penthouse from Jay at the corner dairy when you can get your weekly fix from the subliminal erotica while watching the most manly of games. It’s like knocking down two birds with one stone: combining porn, which us guys dig, with a sport that’s supposed to define a kiwi male identity.
Also Prime will be able to charge more for advertising slots during what is normally a fairly dull and therefore not very profitable period of the week. The teams could be sponsored by dildo and condom manufacturers providing them with increased funds to make grassroots rugby better looking. I’ll be expecting to see soon the mighty Marquis Waitakere take on Albany Glutterdongers next month.
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